Were now onto week two of my Birthday project! if you skipped week one please go back and start with Age 19. So far I think its really interesting to see how my mood over the years has changed and the affect t had on my appearance. Very excited for myself for the final post.
This year is the most difficult to explain in a short paragraph without sounding spiteful or intense. There is one story that comes to mind that I feel like fits my mood and the feeling of the year perfectly. On my 20th birthday I received a birthday cake from my mom when in school. I was working till 2am in a computer lab that day. I spent the night alone and when it was time to leave there was a passing snow storm outside. I was ashamed of the cake. I didn't want anyone knowing it was my birthday because that year everyone had left me. There was no breakups, no conversations and no opening up. I felt replaced and forgotten. So I took off my coat to hide my cake while I walked across campus to my dorm. I didn't even keep it in my own room. That year had made me ashamed of who I was. I felt like I was a burden and I don't think I could forgive myself for that.
Looking back I think its hysterical I carried a cake in a mini blizzard. That year helped me leave my childhood as painful as it was. It helped me discover my two best friends as well. Even though it would be many years till I overcame how I felt and get away from people who treated me poorly, I think it was very important in shaping who I am now. If I could give myself advice I don't think I would. I have no idea how I managed that year and even if I changed one thing, everything would be different.